Sunday, November 8, 2009


So here are some of the things I have been trying to figure out why for?

Why does my husband have to turn his dirty socks inside out? Remember I got a foot touching barf syndrome (BTFS). He takes off his socks and turns them inside out. HE has a sock thing though. He can take up to 15 minutes matching up a pair of socks. Hello! They are all the same! I buy the same brand for him every single freaking time. He used to pin them together so the pairs would stay a pair. I broke him of that though. I don't match up pairs of socks either. I divide everyones socks into a pile and toss them in their drawers. End of story. The less sock handling the better. BUT.... I can't put a sock into the washer with it being turned inside out. I rewash it if I find one like that. Weird huh?! So does he turn his socks inside out to be sure that they are being washed? Like it is so much fun being in the dungeon with the snakes and mice and spiders that I just go down there and sit and pretend like I am doing laundry? I don't think so! STOP TURNING YOUR SOCKS INSIDE OUT!!

I should of had this written into the marriage vows.

Why does my daughter, the youngest one not the older one, think there are monkey bars in bathrooms? I always take her into the handicapped stalls cause two people, one being a bit overweight, trying to manage in those itty bitty areas is a bit disturbing. Kinda like a monkey screwing a bowling ball. I take her in there and she just has to shout "Mommy! This one has monkey bars!" We never are alone either. So she gets embarrassed when she hears someone giggling at her. She is so happy with her great grandma cause she put monkey bars in her bathroom too! ENOUGH WITH THE MONKEY BARS!!

Alot of whys have to do with my son. Why are there footprints on HIS CEILING?? What the heck? He says he likes to lay in his top bunk, playing video games with his feet on the ceiling. I also made the mistake of telling him to NOT take food in his room as he was going to draw in critters. Did that stop him? Heck no! I found a whole spread in his room one time. Asked him what it was for and he said he was doing an experiment to see what food brings what bugs/critters. Okay, you are not Bill Nye. Stop with the science experiment! AND... DON'T expect sympathy at 2 am when you are awakened by something scratching around in your room!

Why does the oldest one have to move my stuff when I am working on something? It usually is across the room too. I was painting one time, knew right where the paint tray was and stepped back right into it. Why? Cause she moved it so I wouldn't spill it. She also likes to move nails out of reach so the wee one won't get them. I don't know how many times I have done my Stretch Armstrong impersonation trying to hold something up and reach the nails. LEAVE MY STUFF WHERE IT IS! i MAY NOT LOOK LIKE IT, BUT I DO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!

Why do my kids have to hang over my shoulder when I am writing a new post? (Did they get the hint and leave yet?) OMG! It drives me bonkers! And it doesn't take alot to drive me bonkers. Don't do it and eat either! It's like a herd of cattle hanging out and eating their cud! Atleast chew with your mouth closed for crissakes! And don't repeat what I am typing! (Jeffrey!)

Why do dogs have to make such a production out of licking themselves? Holy crap Batman! There is nothing grosser, besides feet and dirty hairbrushes, than waking up to hear a dog grunting and groaning while they lick themselves clean. OMG! GET A WASHCLOTH! TAKE A BATH! GO IN JEFFREY'S ROOM! JUST STOP WITH THE LICKING!

And once you are done with the licking, don't come up and stick your nose in my face! Go see Dad, he's still asleep!

And speaking of sleep, why do men sleep so soundly? When we were first married, I heard voices out on the street. I woke up and went to the window to find people out on the street watching the fire department putting out a house. There were engines and sirens going on for hours. The next morning my husband wakes up and looks out. "The house across the street is burned". Well no s&*t Sherlock! Now brag about how soundly you sleep....

Underwear. Why is it that you can be in the house all day and fine. As soon as you step out in public your underwear HAS to ride up your butt? Is gravity greater in my house? I don't walk differently in public. That is not until my underwear is firmly planted between my butt cheeks! Then comes the discreet saunter that is supposed to get it out and never works. I don't know how ANYONE could wear a thong! That would be ugly. And why does UNDERwear have to show? I don't care if you got new skivvies, I don't want to see them! PULL YOUR BRITCHES UP!

There are more too. I will save them for another day when I have nothing else to post about. I know, I know, you can't wait huh?

I did get my moldings up AND painted though! Yeah for me!

Tomorrow I am having a guest poster. My son Jeffrey. He will probably just brag about what a loving mother I am though. He is bugging me to do a post. I am very scared though.


Maureen said...

Love this post!

Ohhhhh I could so jump into this post - on so many levels. Suffice it to say that there have been times when I thought I might have to have my kids surgically removed from me. Serious, serious invasion of my personal space. lol

Anonymous said...

You know I understand exactly what you are saying about the underwear -- that has always puzzled me, as well. I always thought it was just me. Great post. I think we could all add some of our own "whys?" on that list? Today I would ask, "Why is my anti-depressant NOT working?" (haha). Thank you for posting about my giveaway. You sleep well tonight and we will welcome Jeffrey with open arms tomorrow!

Carmen said...

This is hilarious!!!!! Family...gotta love 'em!

Dragonfly Treasure said...

Truly enjoyed this!! I can sure relate!

Yvonne @ StoneGable said...

Hi Maggie, we must know eachother from somewhere... I just can't think where off the top of my head...because I have had this same conversation, (oh, maybe it was IN my head) just came out of your mouth ( or should I say fingers) and onto your post! So very, very, funny, because it is so very,very true! Thank you for giving voice to the things I find to be conundrums of life. By the way, could you please post about not being able to find your glasses... you do wear glassses don't you? If not it would be a pity. I need someone to ponder this anomaly of life.
YOu are a kindred spirit!

Beth said...

LOL - hilarious but true! I have been debating on wheather or not to do a post like this. I'm holding off b/c I'm afraid mine won't be as nice as yours ;) SO funny about the monkey bars though! I will always think of this from now on when I'm ever in a handicapped bathroom, LOL

from our front porch... said...

If you figure the husband stuff out please let me know!

Lori said...

OMG ~ I cannot believe that I read all 3 of these together ~ I almost peed in my pants! Love the underwear...gravity ~ I never thought of that!

Embellished Bayou said...

You are too funny!