Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Bedrest -

When I think of bedrest I envision this....

and him attending my every need....

I could be sick for quite awhile.

The reality of bedrest is not that pretty though.

I started to feel crappy on Sunday. I didn't think that screaming in pain and peeing blood was normal. I could go to the emergency room....

Flashback time!

The last time I took the circus to the emergency room with me the 11 year old entertained the 2 year old by putting a rubber glove on her head and convincing her to run through the halls acting like a rooster.

I'm pretty sure that I am not allowed in that hospital anymore.

So I decided to stick it out til morning when I could call and get an appointment with my doctor. He is a few dollars cheaper than an emergency room visit also.

So I called and talked to the doctor. He was concerned and told me to get in as soon as I could. Then he transferred me to the receptionist to see when she could get me in. Ok, so far no problem. The husband could pick the dog up from the vet where she was getting spayed. It seems that as soon as you can is not what I thought it meant. It means as soon as the doctor can. How's Thursday at 11 am. Ummmm? Ok. Oh yeah and in the meantime drink lots of cranberry juice to help flush out the infection, take aleve for pain and BEDREST.

There it is bedrest.... What is bedrest? Well I am sure there really is a technical definition for it. Here is mine though.

1. Lay on the couch while a 2 year old jumps up and down on you while you watch Barney for the brain numbing 245th time. This is usually the day also that she has decided not to take her 3 hour nap. Thus resulting in a lot of tears and screaming while the kids look at you like your head just spun around.

2. Picking up dog crap. Yes, that is not something I normally do but the morphine that the dog was given has resulted in her being loopy. You can ask kids to pick it up for you but again you are looked at like you just sprouted another head. "It's warm" Well for crissakes let it cool off then! I mean how long does it take dog crap to cool off? I even considered, when the pain got bad, taking the dog's pain meds. The bottle says "for veterinary purposes only". I can be a real b*&$h sometimes, but I didn't think I qualified.

3. You only can make 2456 trips up the stairs to get a story book instead of the usual 5782 times!

4. You can sit at the computer if nothing else but to look up the criteria on how to get your name changed legally from "Mom". Oh yeah, and DON'T in a fit of pain kiddingly tell the kids that you changed your name to s*#@thead. It's alot of work trying to explain now why the 2 year old is now running around calling you that. Some people are not easily amused.

5. Make a list of people you have to send apology cards to for your snippiness. Like the extremely nice vet tech. You bring a jumpy happy Great Dane but they don't realize (a) she is an idiot and does not know how to act in public (b) at home she is usually comatose. Keeping her quiet is no problem. I can't even get her to bark when someone is at the door. She just kinda lifts up her head and gives a wimpy wuff.

Preschedule as many as possible things to do while on bedrest. Of course you won't know that this is the week for bedrest. So it does add a little element of surprise. Like the parent teacher conferences that take 2 hours to get through. Or the PTO meeting that you have to attend cause you are president. Hopefully, you will also have a guest speaker that you have to endure. Or the fact that you volunteered to make 6 dozen Bannock cakes for your oldest daughters class. You know, fun things like that. Now if you run out of things to do, you can also tell your husband to get sick also. That is always fun whether you are on bedrest or not.

Now if you will excuse me, I have 3 loads of laundry, a dishwasher to empty and fill and more warm dog crap to pick up.....

Cause I'm on bedrest!


Cindy said...

AW Maggie! I'm so sorry about your troubles...but gawd you're hilarious! Maybe some soap will help. I'll send it right out :) If I can dig up your address....I'll let you know.

from our front porch... said...

Bless your little pea-pickin' heart! (As my 87 yr old Nana says!) I am so sorry you are feeling like ick..Please take care of yourself.

Now get off that couch, and get some housework done! LOL! :)

Blessings, Misha

Jacqueline said...

Oh Maggie... I think that we have all been there, although , maybe not quite like you !! Isn't it awful when everyday life has to carry on and you feel so awful. You deserve a medal..... and thanks for a brilliantly funny post, even though you don't feel so good. You're a trooper. XXXX

The DIY Show Off said...

Oh no. I'm sorry you're not feeling well!
I couldn't help but giggle through your post. Plenty of rest and feel better. Thoughts and prayers going out to you and a big hug.


Yvonne @ StoneGable said...

You should have gone to the ER and been admitted- at least then, you would get some rest!
I hope you feel better, but this is just so darn funny!!!!
I love your idea of bedrest- that's mine too, and his name is Edwardo!

Proper Prim said...

Maggie, I left a little surprise for you over at my blog... I hope this will brighten your day a little and hope you are feeling a bit better...

I love how you can take the most mundane thing and turn it into such enjoyable reading... btw can I borrow your boy toy when you are finished your bedrest... I feel a really bad cold coming on... LOL

Hugs Deb