Monday, November 9, 2009

Girls Who Wear Glasses!

So I was asked the question if I wear glasses.

Survey says....

Nope!

Cause I can't ever find the damn things!

I usually wear contacts but sometimes that is just too much work. So I walk around feeling my way through life cause the glasses are MIA. I even thought I would outsmart the suckers and buy like 20 pairs at the dollar store. Didn't work. But I didn't stress cause I had alot more. Until they were all gone!

I find them all over the place. Obviously at the time I thought that would be a good place to put glasses. Not really though. I still wonder about the pair I found in the freezer. Don't know what I was thinking there....

Some I have thrown away. There was no way in hedoublehockeysticks I was EVER going to wear them! Like the pair that fell into the plugged up toilet when I leaned over to see what was the problem. BTW the problem was my son had tried to flush a washcloth and my dad's cell phone. Those got chucked. I also found a pair in my husband's sock drawer. Don't know why I would ever even use that as a hiding place. I do think the wee one is playing games on me though cause I found a pair in the dog food bag the other day. Speaking of the wee one, she likes to gnaw off the little noseguards on my glasses too. Don't know what is up with that.

But it is not just glasses. I lose everything! I will buy something on sale for a gift, put it away til the appropriate occassion and forget all about it. I don't think my neice will still want the set of My Little Ponies that are in a bag with her name on them. She's 18 now. I even have a "Do Not Buy" list on my fridge. That is all the stuff I am not allowed to buy til I have used up what I have now. Like jello. I got 20 boxes of jello in my cupboard! Funky flavors too. Lemon jello?! Who the heck in their right mind would even consciously put lemon jello in their mouth? I guess I felt sorry for it or something. I got 3 boxes. But when they were scattered throughout the cupboards it didn't seem so bad. Now that the kitchen has been organized it looks like I have a jello fetish. Funny thing is, my kids don't really care for jello. And don't try to suspend fruit in it to dress it up either, they think that is gross.

Then there is the fact that my kids try to take advantage of my feeble mind. I found a pack of panty liners one time in my son's room. I took them out. Really thought I was losing it by stashing panty liners in my sons room?? Why in the heck would I EVER need panty liners in there? Maybe a gas mask, but panty liners. So a couple of days later, yes it takes me that long to work up the nerve to go back in there, I go in and find them there AGAIN! So this goes on for a couple of days.

Finally my son comes up to me, hands on his hips and that look on his face like "Girl, are you in trouble now". I am trying to figure out what I did wrong now. It's been atleast a month since I wore my PowerPuff girl jammies to drop him off at school. Not to get sidetracked but when you wear your Powerpuff girl jammies out in public cause you are going to be quick, does the principal have something uber important to talk to you about?!

Anyways, he starts by asking me why I keep taking his odoreaters out of his room? Odoreaters? What the frick is he talking about? From behind his back he pulls out a box of panty liners. Do you know how hard it is not to laugh when your 7 year old son is trying to be serious? Trying to explain how he likes these odoreaters cause they are cushy and super absorbent?! OMG! Yes, he was seriously using panty liners in his shoes. He tried to tell me that he likes those more than the others. The others are too thick! I was laughing too hard to listen though.

So to answer the question, yes I do wear glasses. When I can find them WITH nose guards intact.

6 comments:

Yvonne @ StoneGable said...

Now I know that I not only know you , but you are my lost twin! I love your posts! You are speaking to my heart, singing to the choir, on the same road, a kindred spirit, my misery that loves company... you get the picture!I am so glad I found you, dear new friend.
Thanks for letting me laugh at myself through your blog!!!!!
Excellent!
Yvonne

Jan @ bobbypinsboardwalk said...

OMG -- I love your seven year old. That is too funny!!! Panty liners as odor eaters (hahaha). I, too, often forego the contact and walk in that same haze searching for my glasses. Then when I wear my contacts, I leave them in too long and damage my eyes so that I have to wear glasses for a couple of days. You are so funny!

Proper Prim said...

Oh this post hit home... I would lose my head if it wasn't attached... I have to leave my glasses in the same spot every day or they are history... I buy stuff like you and put it away for safe keeping never to be found again... Oh it is so nice to know that I am not alone... had a big chuckle over your son's "odoreaters" I don't think I could have kept a straight face either... that is just way too funny... he is in for a shock when he really finds out what they are for...LOL...
Have a great day... thanks for the chuckle.

Hugs Deb

Jacqueline said...

We have all been there, Maggie.. I buy the same things over and over again.....but the story of your son and the panty liners is brilliant. You can save that one to tell his girlfriends of the future !!!! XXXX

Cindy said...

CRACK ME UP! I am going to be getting glasses soon. I dread it because I know they will all go the way of everything else...that special place my keys, cellphone, spare change, and socks hide from me. *sigh*

Lori said...

OK ~ I laughed out loud reading this...first with your vanishing glasses and then the panty liners! I have a solution for all that jello though ~ alcohol... we made some jello shooters this past summer and they were yummy. Not sure what I would pair with the lemon ~ maybe lemon vodka!