I thought that I had lost my Christmas spirit. The gifts aren't extravagant, the decorations suck and I felt not in the mood. I was dreading Christmas. I tried everything I could to get in the spirit of things and I couldn't. I didn't want to buy crappy gifts. I didn't want to hang the sucky decorations. I just wanted it to be over and done with and to the part where I swear to lose 50 lbs only to end up gaining another 15.
Then I went to the grocery store to get grub for "the" dinner. Along tagged the 13 year old, who by the way is older beyond her means. On the way, she asked me what was my favorite memory of Christmas. Hmmm.... I thought long and hard and told her it was 2 things. Having my mom there and Midnight mass. I always thought that Midnight mass was the most beautiful celebration of Christmas. I got an ache because I suddenly missed those two simple things about Christmas. I asked her the same question.
Me. Me? Well inquiring minds want to know why? She likes that I tease them about their presents. She doesn't even care what is in them. She likes how I will grab a gift and shake it and sniff it and say "I think I small a gift for so and so." She likes waking me up on Christmas. She thinks I look like an angel. I have NEVER seen an angel with their mouth hanging open and spittle running out the side. To her I am though. She likes pretending that she doesn't want to come into the kitchen cause I grab anyone who does and sing Christmas carols like Lucy and dance around. She is excited about Christmas cause she has made every single gift this year. Why did she do that? Because I have taught this beautiful, wise beyond her years, child that Christmas is about giving of yourself.
So this year, I will be capturing the magic of my childhood Christmas by attending Midnight mass. My gift is that I will have 2 angels at my side. 2 angels I created. 2 angels that I have given to make the world a better place. 2 angels that can see through my short comings and love me unconditionally. Because to these 2 angels I am the meaning of Christmas and love and joy. These 2 angels are what they are because of me.
Is there any better gift?!