Settle down here this is not a sex post. It is though a Christmas post. I'm not in the mood for Christmas. I've tried to get "in the mood". I apologize if that offends anyone. It's not a passing or recent thing either. Back in August when I saw the first Santas in the stores I just wanted to kick the crap out of his plastic molded jolly butt.
I even managed to talk my husband into a fake tree this year. Wasn't hard. I just didn't want to still be picking out pine needles out of my feet in July. It does make good kindling for the first bonfire of summer, but I'll buy charcoal fluid. We finally did get it up though.... on Saturday. I was the one who dragged it out though. There is a good thing about procrastination though, our $200 tree was 50% off.
And it's lit! Prelit Christmas tree! Cause I hate lights on Christmas trees. I think the lights are pretty, but I have a fear of them. It goes back to childhood. There would be my dad, all 300 pounds of him, legs splayed out, 6 pack of beer by his side and a humongous ball of lights. The first trick was to detangle the mess cause lawd knows he was not smart enough to wind them around something. Then came the fiddling. You know those monster paws can crush a delicate light bulb in one swoop. After the fiddling came the dreaded words....
"Here plug this in".
A few times of getting knocked on our butts from the electrical shock and we learned. MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE! The bulb part was ok. The tinsel sucked. I hate tinsel too. There was to be NO throwing a gob on our tree. Nope, my mom had to take each strand and carefully drape it over a branch. She would even "tweak" the tinsel throughout the season.
But now ours is decorated.
You can tell how tall my kids are. Lots of bulbs at the 3' level cause the bitty one was all over that. A few bulbs at the 4-1/2' level cause the boy was not exerting any energy and doing as little as possible. More bulbs close to the top, but not quite cause the oldest was too busy yelling at the bitty one not to bunch everything all up.
The stockings are not up though. I keep kidding myself that I am going to do them for Christmas. In reality, I see the old stockings and the "baby's first christmas" one up again. At the rate that I am going, she may still be using that stocking when she is 16.
Cause I am not in the mood....
I still have more than 1/2 my shopping to finish, all the wrapping to do and food to buy and burn. A house that desperately needs to be cleaned only to be trashed with having 10 people over for dinner. If Santa is late getting started, blame it on those damn DeLauders. We will more than likely be trying to squeeze in a visit with him at the last minute on Christmas Eve. He's not really all that jolly at this time. Could be why the bitty one has cried every time she has gone to see him. Last year she got off his lap, turned around and with tears streaming down her face yelled "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!!!"
This year she says that she is not going to cry even if he punches her. I don't know what kinda psycho Santa she thinks we take her too. He may feel like punching a kid after being nice to 356,847 kids in 6 weeks but I have never seen him punch one. I know my son wanted to punch him last year. I begged, pleaded and cried for him to just stand next to Santa so I could have a pic. He agreed as long as he didn't have to sit on his lap. Up we go. The oldest one runs up and plops on his lap. The boy positioned himself standing next to Santa. Then came the bitty girl. She screamed bloody murder once I put her down. Santa did a little shifting. He put the bitty one on the older one's lap and grabbed the boy and pulled him on his lap. The girl snapped the pic. So that is my Santa picture. The oldest one beaming cause at 12 she can STILL sit on Santa's lap. The bitty one with tears and a pout lip down to her knees. And the boy glaring at Santa like he is a rotten so and so.
So for now I am off to clean and bake cookies. Rather finish baking cookies. And bake more of those little powdered sugar balls of goodness. Cause yesterday I ate waaaay too many of them and now I am short. So off I go to try to conjure up some kinda spirit for the holidays.
Cause I'm not in the mood....