The Faded Light

Waking up this morning, the sunrise doesn't seem so magnificent. The light doesn't seem to dance magically on the snow. The light seems to be dimmer. Last night was spent saying goodbye to a very special lady.

She was the mischievious one. The one with the infectious laugh and ready smile. She was the thoughtful one. She remembered every birthday, every name, every child and spouse of a large family. She kept the family tree. She was the quiet one, yet she always light up the room.

My Aunt Julie was the 7th child of my grandparents. She met her husband when she was 14 and was married to him for 44 years. She has 4 children and devoted her life to them and her grandchildren. You always say her with one of her kids if not all of them. The only job she ever held was being mom and she did a wonderful job at it. She was strong, dedicated and always there. When my mom died, her and my Aunt Rose stepped in. I could always turn to her when I got frustrated with raising my own kids. She always made time for whoever needed her.

She has been battling lung cancer for the last few years. In between the chemo treatments, she still found time to spend with her children and grandchildren. Every time they told her they had the cancer under control, it would appear somewhere else. The process would start over again. Her spirits stayed up and she did as much as she could.

Yesterday they told her that the cancer would take her. The doctors gave her 1-2 weeks left. Her daughter called to give the news. She had one simple request, she wanted to say goodbye to everyone that she could. The hardest part was seeing her with her family, saying goodbye. She told her husband "You are an idiot and you've really pissed me off, but I love you more than anything." She cried when her grandchildren came in. She told them she was sorry and not to be mad at her. She wanted to spend more time with them, she just couldn't. She told them she would be watching and anytime they needed to talk to her she would be listening. When I hugged her goodbye she told me she would give a hug and kiss to my mom for me.

You can have a lifetime with someone and yet it never seems like there was enough time. It's hard when someone you love is here one minute and gone the next. You wonder if they knew how you felt, how much you loved them, how important they were in your life. I think it is harder having the time to say goodbye though. Leaving all you love and live for behind.

My Aunt died last night. She could no longer "fight like a girl". Cancer had won again taking yet someone else who was very loved. She died peacefully and quietly, surrounded by her family, just as she lived her life.

I love you Aunt Julie, but it just wasn't long enough.

P.S.

Today I found a penny,

Just laying on the ground.

But it's not just a penny,

This little coin I've found.

Found pennies come from heaven.

That's what my Grandpa told me.

He said Angels toss them down.

Oh, how I loved that story.

He said when an Angel misses you,

They toss a penny down,

Sometimes just to cheer you up,

To make a smile out of your frown.

So don't pass by that penny

When you're feeling blue;

It may be a Penny from Heaven

That an Angel's tossed to you.

Pass this on to the people who you care

about and who you feel that are angels to you.

An angel is now watching over you

I told my Aunt last night to hug and kiss my mom for me. Today, my cousin posted this on the internet. I read this right before I went to pick up the bitty one at school. While I was driving to pick her up, I dropped my phone. I got to the school and opened the van door to get it. There on the floor was an old penny. I just sat there sobbing like a baby because for the first time in a long time, I could feel my mom there comforting me.

Thank you Aunt Julie!