There will be no pretty pictures with this post as there was nothing pretty about this last weekend. Remember the "summer cold"? Seems it was a bit more than a summer cold. The whole weekend was kind of a blur. Between the convulsing shivering or the pouring of sweat fevers I don't remember that much. Of course I told my husband I wasn't that sick. I do remember on one staggering trip to the bathroom finding the dog tied to the banister by her leash and the bitty one coloring the white hairs on her muzzle with a black sharpie.
Me: "Honey, what are you doing?"
Bitty One: "Coloring Sheba's gray hair like you do to yours Mummy"
Me: "Not with a sharpie!"
Bitty One (with hand on hip): "Well there was no hair color!!"
Me: "Ah! Is that why there is a chair in the bathroom by the shelves?"
Thank god we were out of hair color. Who knows what she would have done to the poor dog. Where was her "older" sister who was supposed to be watching her? Not 5 feet away on the couch. Some babysitting service I have huh?!
Monday morning after being up since 3 am I gave in. Ok, I'll go to the doctor.
Going to the doctor is a delight. Especially dragging 3 kids along with you. It was the usual what hurts? why the hell are you here visit. Oh, it hurts here? How does it feel when I press here? How about when me and the nurse jump up and down on your belly? Does it hurt then?
Doc: You are very bloated
Me: Thank god, I thought I was getting fat!
Doc: No, you are a bit overweight, but you are bloated too.
Oh great, I am fat AND bloated. I could listen to that all day! Now I am not only sick but depressed. I mean I hadn't eaten for 5 days and I find out that I gained 3 pounds. How fair is that?! Or are scales all over the world just screwing with me. I personally think they have a conspiracy against me.
Psssst.... want to drive her crazy? Don't move when she steps on you. Heehee it's really funny to see her angry face!
Then comes the words I always dread hearing.... "we need a urine sample". The peeing is not a problem. I can pee on command. The getting it in a cup is the problem. It would be great if I could just park my buttocks on a 5 gallon bucket to pee. I know I could pour it into that itty bitty cup then. But no, this is a special urine sample. Pee a few drops, THEN catch a sample and when you are almost finished pull the cup away and pee the rest all while dancing a jig on one foot and reciting the Declaration of Independence. Seriously? I just see me peeing all over my hand and not getting a drop in the darn cup. Would it be so hard to figure out how to put a handle on them? You know like a long stick so you don't pee on yourself. I mean peeing on my hand is so the highlight of my day. Not only do I look like death warmed over, but I now smell like urine. Thankfully, I did get enough for them to stick the dipstick into. Do they really need a whole cup for that teeny tiny little dip stick?!
Doctor: Someone doesn't drink water!
Me: Who? (pointing and looking at my husband)
Doctor: No, you....
Me: Well, if it didn't taste like flavorless crap, I would....
Doctor: You need to drink more water
I came here cause I was sick, not to hear about everything I am doing wrong. If I wanted that, I would go visit my dad! Drink more water.... If they could make it taste like white zinfandel, I would! ....drink more water.... Coffee has water. You make it with water. I drink gallons of that stuff a day, but it doesn't count. Water. Straight up, no twist. Not even those yummy flavor packets in it either. Plain jane water. The verdict was a severe UTI. I don't know why I keep getting them except that I DON'T DRINK ENOUGH WATER....
Oh and this medication. Take with lots of water. Don't read the side effects either. As fuzzy headed as I was I just figured I had a chance of turning into a hunchback troll with convulsions. Oh wait, a bloated, slightly overweight, hunchback troll with convulsions. Won't I be pretty?
The biggest joke was the bedrest. Three children have run rampant under the close supervision of the oldest child and you already know how well that goes over. Needless to say, the house is trashed. Hello, Hoarders.... I don't know how I was able to stay in bed amidst all this disaster. I must have been really sick. I know they ate. There are food, crumbs and cheerios all over! The gosh darn dog didn't even try to help clean up! How's that for gratitude? It's even spread into my room. I have my jewelry hanging from every knob, handle, anything in my room. Bitty One was trying to make it "pretty". Thanks. I told my husband I must be feeling a bit better cause I wanted to get cleaning. He said "NO! You just leave it be." I was waiting to hear that he and the kids would take care of it. Instead, he said it could wait a few days. Hello??? Have you met me? How can I rest in this mess?
So for now I am on the couch with strict orders to bed rest. Hummmph..... Bedrest is kinda like being on vacation. You can have a great time and come back rested, but the mess.... ugh! I have so many things to catch up on too besides a filthy house and a mountain of laundry. Like the company books and a tea swap that I really need to get out. I have a couple more things that I want to get for the tea swap and then wrap it up all pretty and send it off. As soon as I get it together I plan on doing a post about it. Wait til you see the gorgeous tea cup and saucer sweet Patricia sent me.
As for now, I am off. Obviously when you are on bedrest you are able to dress Barbie in the same freaking outfit 863 times in an hour. I swear I will glue those itty bitty high heels on her feet if I lay on another one of them. Those things hurt! You never lay on it in an area where feeling little probey things like that may be easily handled either. No, it's always where your reaction is "HEY! What the heck is that?" Plus, I can also stare at the curtains which are ALMOST finished that I just don't have the energy to work on right now.
Bah humbug.... bedrest....